Vicarious Learning: The Invisible Magnet That Shapes Who You Become

Rub a piece of metal on a magnet, and something interesting happens. The metal starts to behave like a magnet itself. It begins to carry a charge, to exert force, to attract. Not because it was born that way, but because it came into contact with something that already carried influence.

That is what vicarious learning is like. The people around you are magnets—some strong, some weak, some pulling you in the right direction, and some not. You pick up behaviors, tone, presence, and posture simply by being near them. The real question is whether you are paying attention to what you are absorbing—and from whom.

In my career, I have been fortunate to work alongside seasoned professionals—people with deep knowledge, refined skills, and a presence that commands attention. Yet, what impacted me most was not their formal expertise in accounting, law, or technology. It was their ability to handle situations thoughtfully, respond effectively to unexpected events, manage relationships confidently, lead decisively, and communicate clearly. It was how they listened, spoke, carried themselves, and navigated complex issues that inspired my admiration.

Conversely, I also witnessed situations handled poorly. I saw the ripple effects—strained relationships, lost trust, and missed opportunities. Each scenario offered important lessons. I would reflect deeply, asking myself: "Would I have responded similarly? Could I have handled it better or differently?" This thoughtful reflection became central to my personal and professional growth.

Over time, I developed respect—perhaps even envy—for individuals highly skilled in empathy, communication, leadership, and adaptability. Instead of simply admiring these qualities, I actively applied them to my own development. I read classics like Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, but the real growth came from closely watching the actions of people around me. Good examples became patterns to follow, while bad examples clearly showed what to avoid.

However, it is important to recognize the risk of unintentionally copying negative behaviors. Not every action by a successful leader or influential peer should be repeated. Sometimes leaders become aggressive, defensive, or dismissive under pressure. Such behaviors can harm relationships and weaken trust. Early on, I did my best to learn to tell the difference between actions driven by strength and clarity versus those driven by stress or other external forces.

Vicarious learning works like a magnet. Whether you are aware of it or not, you are constantly being pulled by the behaviors, tone, and habits of the people around you. Sometimes that pull lifts you—helping you pick up better ways to lead, listen, or act. Other times, if you are not careful, it drags you into habits or responses you do not want. Psychologist Albert Bandura coined this as vicarious learning, the idea that we build behavior by watching others rather than having to experience everything firsthand.¹ Because it allows you to safely assess others' actions. Bandura noted that much human behavior is learned by observing others. We watch others, internalize their actions, and build our behavior without experiencing everything firsthand.¹

The workplace offers many chances to learn this way. Every interaction or project is a lesson. The key is staying observant and reflective enough to learn effectively. The secret to observational learning is being deliberate. Carefully choose whom you watch and why. Look beyond actions to understand context: what pressures, motivations, and emotions were involved? Reflect privately after meetings or challenging situations, considering:

• What specifically made something a success or failure?

• How could I handle a similar situation better?

• Was the outcome driven with care and collaboration?

  
  

Lastly, remember others are watching you, too. Your behavior provides examples for your peers. Aim to show the qualities you value—empathy, clarity, decisiveness, and calmness under pressure. By consistently demonstrating these qualities, you create a healthier, more collaborative, and productive environment for everyone.

Each day provides opportunities to learn—not just from your own experiences but by carefully watching others. Make this form of learning a habit, and it will become a powerful tool for ongoing growth.

OPINIONS CONTAINED HEREIN ARE STRICTLY THOSE OF THE AUTHOR

¹ Bandura, Albert. Social Learning Theory. Prentice-Hall, 1977.